#my family just never talks abt their feelings. or when they do its when theyre angry. i dont feel like i can bring this up to them.

[hellhoundlair]

venting sorry. i get emotional thinking of the media both me and my dad loved growing up and the father daughter bonds that were the highlights of those movies and tv shows to him and i feel like i failed

[itsalwaysdark]

ok sry last one. sry

[thecustomcosplayed]

oooh boy i am in the midst of rewatching season 2 of Legends of Tomorrow and Sara's entire arc from assassin to captain means so much to me

(rambling under cut and kind of spoilery ig)

like. Stein's "you're no longer an assassin, you're a captain." and then a few episodes later her choosing to save him over the amulet bc she views the team as her family and she can't save her sister but she can save them oooughhh

also continuing into one of the later seasons (either 3 or 4 idk), when Zari says to Sara "you aren't just the captain of the ship, you're it's soul" WHEN SARA HAS STRUGGLED WITH WHO SHE IS AND WHAT HER SOUL MEANS TK HER??

Godd I love it sm. And in S2 when she's still trying to deal with being a captain and the fact that Rip is MIA and she probably felt so inadequate for it but her team shows literally nothing but support to her and are always like "okay so what's next captain" and they (almost) always ask her what to do hshsj

Her struggling with a place in the team in S1 being nothing more than an assassin to Rip but then S2 rolls around and she's a captain and the team (her family!!!) looks to her for guidance and I don't think they really understand how much they mean to her but its just she grows SO well into the role of captain

Everybody who joins the team doesn't even question it, Gideon never stops calling her the captain (and rewatching S1 felt so weird when Gid called Sara Ms. Lance and not Captain Lance), and then when Ava comes around literally the entire team is like "oh okay another time mom. co-captain 🥰"

Sara loves her lil band of misfits so much and I feel like she doesn't realize how much they love her (Jax saying she needs to be captain and he can't be captain in S2 E11, Rory talking to her abt being the only 2 ogs left in S6, Nate treating her like an older sister, Zari and her lowk bonding over dead siblings, etc etc) but theyre a little family and yeah theyre a lil messed yp and broken but they have each other!!

I could talk abt Sara for years guys she's my favorite character from LoT

anyways tldr i really enjoy Sara's assassin/teammate - the (figurative) soul of the ship arc

[kiwibongos]

warning for ab/se & toxic relationships. and sdr2 spoilers duh

im thinking abt the remnants of despair. cause i hate how it just seemed to be like, "theyre suddenly brainwashed and then they turn evilll and they kill because they dont feel anything" like, i hate that. it feels so underdeveloped. it cant just be despair, it has to be deeper than that, i think it'd take personal angles and link with a lot of their own trauma, leaving them really vulnerable and deranged. so heres my own interpretation and headcanons for some of them

contains mikan, nagito, fuyuhiko, peko, akane, kazuichi, and brief analysis of the rest. keep in mind i havent seen the animes yet lol so this is a basic layer of it, but i just rly wanted to let this out cus i dont see it talked about. storing my brainrot here for later moments.

first of all i feel like the brainwashing would be a very slow process bc junko would definitely just manipulate everyone in her way to get what she wants. and by the time the world was plagued basically, all the remnants clearly had really unhealthy feelings related to junko specifically. they all love her, hate her, or praise her, but its all in very different ways that would be bc of their own personal backstories

we all know how mikan and nagito feel. mikan was constantly hurt by other people before junko herself, itd make sense for her to develop a very unhealthy attachment to her. mikan was extremely vulnerable and controllable, she would do anything for anyone and especially junko, just so no one is mad at her, hence why it got so twisted to the point where she wanted to keep a part of her inside forever. she wanted to be loved so badly, she would take whatever form of it she could. thats why it was so easy for junko to get her under her boot. now nagito has an odd love-hate relationship with junko imo (his mind is so messed up man) even if he praises hope in such a grossly obsessed way, the mf still TOOK her arm. i know he did it because he hated her so much and i guess to take power back, but i feel like because nagito had never really been loved, he wanted to try and feel what it could've been like out of some kind of confused desperation and fondness for her in a way, because his mind has no idea what those feelings truly are or what they mean, as hatred and love often get mixed up in his head and form this horrible amalgamation with whoever he meets, which is clear towards the survivors in the nwp anyway

fuyuhiko put junko's own eye into his own socket, and i feel like his relationship with her while in despair would be familial and extremely unhealthy. he is definitely one of the most fucked up to me. id say by my own headcanons though its heavily implied in his fte dialogues, is his parents are very ab/usive right from the start. fuyuhiko is messed up to all hell, he was constantly struck and under pressure but he had to be strong and perfect because he was the head of his clan, hence like his insane tolerance for pain. he had to make his clan, or more importantly his parents proud, or else he was a failure forever. so he clung onto that and did his best trying to be good enough for basically anyone. and even before despair he was in a really bad stubborn, mean, depressive state, leaving him far more vulnerable and more open to violent, impulsive actions as long as junko was smart enough to get him under her finger. fuyuhiko never knew what true love felt like (platonic or not), and when junko took advantage of all of that and he slowly fell into despair, shit hit the fan. he lost morality and he had come so attached to her to the point where junko was like a mother figure to him. he wanted her to notice him and be proud basically, it was moreso the idea of someone-- anyone-- being proud of him, but junko was his main focus of that by now, given his state. to him she was like the mother he never had, who seemed to be on the same terms with everything he had believed, someone who approved of him, so he wanted to make her proud, even if it was hurting him. fuyuhiko would keep digging himself a hole of desperation and self destruction, seeking more and more pain to test his endurance because it's what she wanted, and that became what he wanted, too, because pain is all he's used to. and because of that, makotos guess was right; he wanted to see her despair. it'd make sense he'd want to take a part of her, to see horrors she had witnessed so he could understand it, so she could be proud of him and part of him forever. he felt like if he did that, he would finally succeed, he'd achieve perfection, and he did. he'd done everything junko wanted him to do, while quenching his own thirst for violence itself, all via his own delusions. that was love to him and it felt real

as for peko she was definitely also treated the same in the kuzuryu family but more dehumanized obviously, so i think she'd feel a similar way; always needing to be good enough, but more specifically protecting the ones she cares about at all costs even if it results in bloodshed. i think she'd be a lot colder, forcing to suppress her feelings since she just has to follow fuyuhiko wherever he goes, and she was pretty much as insane as him as well so anything slid. i know peko doesnt want to be a tool, but she'd definitely succumb to the fact that she has to be one when they're under despair at the same time, and if she was going to be his tool, she has to be like a robot and just do what follows, because she didn't see herself as a person, her chance of being her own human was ripped away

as for akane, she grew up very poor, and didn't live a good life at all either (w/ definitely bad parents) but she always tried her very best taking care of her siblings in the past, despite everything. i think there was a lot of twisted familial love with junko whom she started to see as a sister despite being unrelated, just because of being a caretaker all her life, its just kind of instinct to protect anyone, but that just got mixed up as she fell into despair, and she would only protect junko, while chaotically killing anyone else in her way. she'd fight for her endlessly, she was one of the strongest, at least for a while, im thinkin she found her body and wanted to preserve it as much as possible by the end of everything, she still wanted to take care of her and do everything for her even if she had been too late. and with that, and barely any food in an apocalyptic world, the inevitable happens. akane would fall into a very hurtful spiral of self hate, that her starving was a sacrifice to junko so she could prioritize her first instead of herself, while also it being like a punishment to herself for her own failures and how she was failing to preserve junko

kazuichi always hated himself. he was bullied often, didn’t have a lot of friends going into high school, and he was very desperate for attention, especially from women. he’d be very notably attached to junko which would eventually evolve into romantic feelings, similar to mikan. he craved attention and validation so much, it left him very vulnerable, and kazuichi often grows attached to people who show him a sliver of kindness anyway, so junko would likely personally manipulate him and praise him, and they’d grow close, and he’d develop a very strong attachment towards her that derails into love and lust. and once he was influenced by her under despair, he would do anything for her. so, he’d get his hands on a lot of weapons, and go on mindless killing sprees, causing havoc 24/7 just to please her and keep her memory alive through despair. and deep in his mind, he probably truly thought that junko was his soulmate, that they were destined to be together, and he was fulfilling missions just for her, and in the end, they could be together

extra stuff i guess? as anyone would expect, sonia just became a corrupted leader and took advantage of her power under despair. her kingdom would try to keep her above it, but she’d fall into it somehow anyway, and probably had already been plagued by corrupt/unjust views by junko before, so she’d lead her people to worship junko the same way she does, and anyone who stood against it would be punished severely. mahiru falls into morbid curiosity because of junko and gets worse, given what she does with her camera, also both mikan and gundham would try to stitch junko up a little, and try to keep her from falling apart as long as possible. mikan is more likely to do that for her own twisted romantic purposes, but if gundham gets a hold of her before or after mikan, he would take her blood for himself, and most likely start a cult to worship her, all for like weird satanic purposes involving rituals and stuff. he’d also encourage his members or the other remnants to indulge in certain activities for the sake of praising her. gundham would probably even believe she was some demon from the underworld who granted him powers and chose him to carry on her legacy

also teruteru was just a little hungry. boys gotta eat

[lovelyrotter]

actually yknow scratch that last part cause the way the epilogues are written makes it pretty explicit that theyre not '''dubiously canon''', thats a gimmic, transmasc roxy IS hard canon. and it pisses me off even more when ppl write him off in favour of headcanons instead, which leads to MORE transmasc vs transfem rhetoric bc transfem roxy is a really popular headcanon. like hes still a trans character. in canon. roxy is still trans even using she/her in candy. THEY ARE TRANS and that is CANON. would yall do that if roxy was revealed to be canonically transfem?? would yall disregard their canonical transgenderness in favour of your cisgendered headcanon? bet yall you wouldnt. bet thatd feel way more uncomfortable for a lotta people. this is disregarding the obvious and usual amount of transphobia canon trans characters get anyway from cis people. this is about trans community in-fighting and inter-community weirdly gendered favoritism and the weird mirroring of the more typical 'boys vs girls' logic from cishet culture

why do so many people dislike or outright hate the concept of he/him transmasc roxy but at the same time love june egbert and insist that shes hard canon... like can we cool it on the transmasc vs transfem '''war''' logic..... can we cool it on the open hatred for transmascs both real and fictional.... can we not appreciate both because theyre literally the same kind of dubiously canon

[staygoldpbj]

I'm curious for marlie have you talked about how they got together? Or shared like a first kiss etc?? I'm actually so curious!

AHHH YESS!! well i havent posted about it but we've tapped about it on discord and AHHH its so important to me omg

okay so. they pine after each other for a WHILE. charlie has always known he's gay so he's just like "i wanna kiss this man so bad" but micah's just casually thinking "it feels like the sun has been brought into my life" and just. Not. realizing he likes him. charlie keeps trying to like hint to micah that he likes him and very casually flirt and show he's interested in him but micah is not fucking catching the hints, even as he's realizing he likes charlie romantically (and micah isn't like. scared or ashamed to be gay honestly he's like "that makes sense" but he knows how awful his life would be if people found out and he cant do that to his family). eventually, charlie's thinking like "oh maybe i've been reading this the wrong way" and he starts like pulling away from micah because he's trying not to hurt himself even more. and micah's just like "????? what? what happened did i do smth"

like u also need to know they are just casually So domestic and gay. like micah gets home from work in the evening and charlie is playing with rosie and messing with the twins and helping them with homework and making dinner. charlie spends Much more time at micah's house than his own (bc his grandparents are neglectful assholes who don't give a fuck abt him) and like. the number of times charlie has fallen asleep on micah on the couch or the times micah has tucked charlie in when he crashes at his house. and charlie subconsciously referring to the foster house as 'home' and charlie being the only person micah could ever be open with... ohh my god they make me sick

BUT back on topic. charlie isnt even being super distant, he's just not being as affectionate but its so abnormal micah's like "wtf" and confronts him, not wanting to lose the one person he has, the one thing in like he's so selfishly wanted. charlie is stuttering a bunch and trying to figure out what to say, because he cant tell anymore if micah likes him romantically but he's saying all this stuff about how he doesn't wanna lose charlie, and charlie stutters through telling him he likes him and-- as charlie's trying to explain, micah just realizes "I rlly love him" and charlie's stuttering comes to a pause as he's trying to figure out what to say and micah just... kisses him.

i imagine it's both of their first kisses, maybbeeee charlie kissed someone once in like middle school? but it's the first time there's ever been an actual emotional connection for either of them. sparks just fly. micah has never had someone to be so open with, weak around, and charlie has never had someone who genuinely Wanted him, who cared about him so personally. it's just. they don't even need to say anything. they just kiss each other and hug and lay down on the couch (this would def be nighttime when rosie and the twins (micah's siblings) are asleep) and just cuddle and kiss and giggle into each others faces . its so sweet and fluffy and charlie 100% cries

then. they wake up in the morning in each others arms and continue their morning routine. make breakfast, wake up the kids, charlie walks them to school then walks to the highschool, micah drives off for work, and they see each other again that evening.

sorry im yapping sm they make me SO SICK THEYRE SO !!!!!! EVERYTHINGG OH MY GODDD <33333 honestly most of what we think about them is. so fucking angsty like idk how much I've talked about charlie's jumping by the socs or what happens after charlie goes to college but... ugh. they mean so much to me they make me sickkkk

[conanssummerchild]

the other day i was wondering about how it would go if rick sanchez and abed nadir interacted bcs theyre my fav guys ever but i couldnt actually imagine them ever interacting and then i accidentally came up with a whole fuck ton of headcanons about what would happen if rick started visiting the study group regularly (also featuring morty :3) so i figured i might as well post them idk

(rickortys dni)

idk what rick is doing in the commumity dimension and why btw, he's just there

the hc abt rick and abed having a conversation was just like rick going on and on about some insane adventure he went on and just overall saying wild stuff and abed listening, genuinely interested, but thinking "this guy makes jeff seem well-adjusted"

at first rick always goes alone but he talks about morty all the time and the adventures they go on but he never elaborates about who morty is so everyone just assumes he's a friend of ricks and one day rick finally introduces them to him and its literally a teenage boy and his grandson lol. everyone is confused

shirley probably hates rick sm at first

morty and britta talking abt politics or ethics or smth like that :3

i imagine rick saying the f slur or smth and the family friendly sitcom study group is flabbergasted while morty is sweating bullets apologising for him lol

rick almost immediately asks if troy and abed are fucking

one time chang tried to hug rick (even though they barely knew each other, i just feel like thats something he'd do) and rick's first instinct was to pull a gun out on him and after that chang kept begging him to make him one of those guns too (he didn't)

britta tries to therapise him but eventually rick scares her off by saying something insane or "way out of her league diagnostically" as she said once and she never tries again

rick and jeff having a drink-off (rick wins)

troy alternates between thinking rick is cool and funny and being a little afraid of him

morty and troy get along and morty thinks abed is cool

morty's favourite is anne because he thinks shes so cool and smart and pretty (think like the person you looked up to as a kid, thats how morty thinks of annie) and she lets him act like a kid and doesnt put any unfair insane expectations on him (*cough* rick) because she knows what that feels like

annie dislikes rick but she keeps slipping fliers for AA into his pockets and rick is confused and incredibly annoyed whenever he finds them

rick thinks chang is weird af but finds it funny, especially bcs hes like the main antagonist of the study group and hes just some guy

rick is probably kinda mean to the dean :(

rick saying something in spanish and no one in the ex spanish study group has any idea what hes saying (they did not learn a thing)

rick thinks its kinda cool that jeff faked his degree, but he wont admit it ofc

morty loves apartment 303

annie eventually warms up to rick because he's less grumpy and rude once you get to know him and they become kiiiinda friends (but shes still a little wary of him)

rick, morty, troy, abed and annie playing minecraft together :3

shirley also eventually warms up to rick and acts like a stern parent (even though rick is almost double her age 💀) and rick pretends to hate it but he doesnt (he didnt get loved enough by his parents as a kid)

rick calls pierce the jerry of the group

abed always listens to rick infodump

abed and rick talking about alternate timelines/dimensions together

one time he fell asleep on the sofa at apartment 303 and while he was asleep annie washed his labcoat bcs its probably grimy af and rick freaked out on her and didn't visit their dimension again for a month

morty loves shirley because shes is always so nice to him and gives him baked goods bcs she thinks hes the sweetest kid ever (he is). he always defends her when rick calls her lame

ok thats it, i usually lowkey hate crossovers but here i am. doing a crossover

also ive always been scared of posting headcannons in case someone is like "FUCK YOU these headcannons are the WORST you have no understanding of these characters you dumb faggot" so erm im scared :3 bye

[psychabolition]

im fully willing to abandon all psychiatric labels. how do i describe my experiences (paranoid/delusional under psychiatric models) without them? should i describe my processes of thought as necessary as it comes up instead? how do i accept these as the way i am?

Idk what this entails for * you personally this is just my experience.

When I was in the psych ward they thought I was schizospec in the first 2weeks of staying there and they denied me so much agency... so if youre experience w stigmatization is similiar then what I think is most important is that you are aware that you are the person who ALWAYS knows who you are and what you need best, ALWAYS. even if youre genuinely confused who you are and whats going on then youre STILL the person who knows yourself best and what you need.

a pervasive and defining pattern of institutions is the (mis)use of language (this includes all diagnoses generally and also words like "symptom" and "illness/disorder/dysfunctional") to reframe experiences in a way which shifts blame onto the institutionalized/pathologized person and, crucially, shifts blame away from the institution or any of its actors. this neoliberalism of emotional response conveniently absolves the institution (+ often structural violences in general) of responsibility, destroys the institutionalized person's sense of trust in their own intuition, fosters dependence on the discerning, 'objective' eyes of the institution, protects + obscures abusive practices, and prevents the formation of solidarity + connection among institutionalized people.

Part of getting away from this institutional gaslighting for me was to "avoid the circular, essentialist, and socially violent logic of "well i do x because i have y condition (which was diagnosed based on clinician observations of x)" which made me think that my brain is broken in a way requiring me to submit to expert clinical management and surveillance"! I stopped thinking things like "I'm suicidal because of my depression" or "I hallucinate because of my dissociative disorder" because these descriptive labels (=my diagnoses) cant explain anything, theyre never the CAUSE of anything. This actually made me feel way less "helpless" and all my struggles suddenly made way more sense to me because I actually started to ask myself where they were coming from instead of instantly thinking its my brain/mind thats randomly being dysfunctional. So actually you dont have to accept that "this is just the way you are" - if youre in extreme mental pain then its not your fault and there is a reason and the people around can change and show solidarity and you arent helpless against the bad societal/communal circumstances that youre in rn (like being extremely isolated or not having support or being stuck in a nuclear family situation where youre still property of your parents - just as examples).So what Im saying is, dont accept that this is the way its going to be forever for you - demand societal change.

Then one main thing that I noticed for myself is that when you stop using the psych lingo that you learned via therapy (symptom, cognitive distortion, delusion, depression, anhedonia, ...) and instead "humanize" your experiences (describe how you feel and the context in which you feel this way and all this without mentioning diagnosis or symptom-words or words like healthy/unhealthy or maladaptive, ...) you automatically connect more w people since other people relate to you more and understand you more. Because the process of being given a diagnosis is in itself Othering (especially when its as stigmatizing as schizospec diagnoses are!!) since the people around you think that theyre not qualified to help you and they isolate you by saying things like "you need to go to a professional . I cant help you." But tbh I also additionally talked a lot abt anti psych and psych propaganda w my friends so they stop thinking like that (like for example so they dont look for "warning signs" and dont tell me any patronizing bs anymore or worse, call the cops on me but instead support me and try to understand where Im coming from no matter how crazy I sound to them.).

Also I started to stop using words that dont blame me for my mental distress and depoliticize what I went through in the past (=trauma - ); that make more sense to me and that arent inherently seperating my mind/body/brain from myself.

This is a good example of someone pathologizing their experiences and how the person could depathologize them by "humanizing" them.

I personally like the concept of neurodivergency. Ik that a lot of people use it to simply mean adhd and autism nowadays but it originally meant "everyone who deviates from neuronormativity ( =whats societally deemed normal to think/feel/do based on your assigned gender/age/socioeconomic status/...)". I like this concept bc you can deviate for any reason from the norm and this norm deviancy can develop out of awful experiences but also really good experiences or a newly developed political consciousness that critiques the status quo. People who are neurodivergent arent only people who fit a criteria for a DSM or ICD diagnosis anymore, theyre just anyone who differs from the norm in thinking/feeling/acting. This way "neurodivergency" also includes people who suffer more severely than others under the current societal hierarchies (=patriarchy, isolation /living conditions under capitalism, police, legal justice system, psychiatry as an institution, amatonormativity ... ).

also for me personally depathologization of my experiences literally included coming out as queer lol. My queerness was pathologized via personality disorder labels by telling me Im confused about my identity and that my disorders are actually causing this norm deviancy. Which is really dumb when you think about it because my personality is obviously "causing" my queerness lol - all I am is my personality! I basically suffered conversion therapy as sb whos asexual and agender which I thought was helpful back then bc I was suffering under heteronormativity/amatonormativity/allonormativity/ generally under the gender class system and thought that its somehow my fault bc I wasnt able to see these norms being reinforced in my social surroundings and in general society. This is why I like the concept of seeing neurodivergency as queer and queerness as neurodivergent (=its called neuroqueer lol). This post explains it - maybe this is also relevant to you without knowing it. I also didnt realize at the time that this is what they were doing to me.

also I personally started to stop seperating my experiences by my different diagnoses (aspd, dissociative disorder,depression, drug addiction) and view myself and my experiences as more whole and connected .I also dont seperate myself from other people who are labelled as mentally ill anymore (or people who dont have a label like this )- I think the most helpful thing for me would be to find language with other people who are labelled as mentally ill that transgresses diagnoses. Bc we ARE all experiencing very similiar things we just think we dont bc we call it by different psych lingo -names but i guess this new language can only develop with an actual Mad Community . Similar to how the feminist movements created words like "patriarchy, pink tax, male gaze, ...".

Also "Unmasking" similiar to how people who are labelled as on the autism spectrum might be a cool way to feel more comfortable w yourself and connect more authentically with others. (just google it theres lots on the subject, you'll be able to come up with what this would mean for yourself easily.) To me, when others around me accepted me as I am it was also easy to accept myself. I couldve never done this alone in my room just by idk "thinking more positive thoughts about myself" or whatever psychs always tell us to do.

One thing I tended to do when I first tried to get away from the psych labels was calling everything I struggle with "caused by Trauma" and tbh 1)not true and 2) this is the same framework of thinking as the biomedical model (=which says that mental health is no different from physical health) since it also makes all my struggles into an "inner mental health problem" that I need to solve alone for myself and that I personally am responsible for recovering from at fault for suffering from.

Also one last thing that just came to mind: I think a new interpretation of your experiences might include a more communal and whole perspective. For example I call myself an anarchist instead of calling myself aspd/sociopath nowadays. This gives me a new "social role" , a new perspective on relationships to others and some experiences that I called "symptoms" before are not only not reframed but not included in this new identity of mine. Another example is a woman I visited a while ago and everyone called her "the seeing woman" ,shes someone that people go to because she has a very unique perspective on things . I was told she can see the future but idk about that haha .But shes definitely also "neurodivergent" ,if you want to call her that .

This is literally everything that just came to my mind! its everything Ive personally done to reject the pathologization from psychology. What i think is that we can only achieve liberation with another and through each other and that if we're able to imagine it together then a new world and a future where we all have a place in is definitely possible .

[bluhjeans]

songs i associate with dbh characters / what i think their fav songs would be

pleasee share ur own thoughts & opinions id love to hear them!! and I need to ramble abt my dbh opinions to people (+templates if u wanna make ur own)

explaining my reasoning here if anyones curious

gavin: couldn't decide between rehab and in my feelings because theyre both just so him (and by that i mean fanon him cuz there really wasnt much to work on) 'in my feelings' because I can just imagine him to all' of the lyrics ('Sobbin' in my cup of coffee 'cause I fell for another loser' and 'Who's doper than this bitch, who's free-er than me' in particular) and rehab is a little looser of a connection, it stems from this story that ive been sorta writing that focuses on gavins relationship with alcohol aswell as his friendship with tina, and I just feel like rehab really captures his reluctance to give up the many different problems he has in the story like drinking, smoking & drugs rk900/nines: i dont really imagine he listens to music but but i kinda associate him with the pre-chorus in 'In my feelings' by LDR with the 'get that cigarette smoke out of my face' and the bridge with 'got me feeling so blue, making no sense at all, gotta leave right now' sooo duet with gavin...? 'shades of cool' (u may have noticed i like lana songs by now!!) also really matches nines IMO, the song is about her own pain and disappointment but but it also centers around this flawed love interest she wants to fix and understand, but ultimately can't, which to me just feels like nines and gavin, atleast in my own hc's (can you guess my fav ship yet) connor: whilst this song (a human's touch) could generally apply to all androids in dbh I connect it most with connor, especially in the second verse; "We were still going strong I never did you wrong Until the new me came along It was just you and me We were such a good team But now I’m alone on the boulevard of broken screens" Listening to this, I can really imagine him talking to Amanda after being introduced to his successor, the RK900 ('the new me') - I also can imagine the boulevard of broken screens being in reference to the graves of his previous bodies and I just think thattt hits yk, + whilst the second verse applies to machine connor more, the craving for human touch (connection in general) feels rather apt as by becoming deviant he has severed ties with Cyberlife, causing him to be pretty alone so yeah kara: I can just imagine her, alice and luther all singing country roads together in a car during the summer and it just warms my heart sm like its just sooo cuteee <3 I can also imagine her being a fan of Adele's music in general, I can't really explain why but she just seems like the type of person to be reaalllyyy into adele (me too) (+ i know age as a concept isnt a thing for androids really but adeles music appeals to a large age range making her music appealing 2 families so maybe im connecting adele n kara because of that) markus: I feel like I don't even need to explain history has its eyes on you... i mean come on.. but ohhh emmm geee!! I can not stress how PERFECT 'as the world caves in' is for markus atleast in my opinion, when I listen to it I can really picture this song over markus either choosing to sacrifice himself in BfD when surrounded, but generally I can just imagine this song over him doing anything really. 'run boy run' also feels like it needs little explanation, just listen to the song/look at the lyrics and youll see the connection north: I don't actually have any meaningful reasons for these songs but I just feel like north would like them but I guess 'breakin' dishes' is the one I thought about most because I can imagine her acting similarly in the same situation soo yeah chloe: Chloe doesn't really have a lot to work on with her extremely limited appearance in-game so this is completely based off a fic i read lol, where chloe was in a relationship with kamski but only in private because of his concern for his image anyways, in 'a loving feeling' mitski sings about feelings of loneliness in a relationship where her partner only shows affection alone and yeah that just feels like chloe n kamski to me!

[valdrift]

as the end of 2024 has been getting closer ive been both dreading and anticipating the new year and its a feeling tht i really dislike lol (more under cut bc my rambling got way longer than i thought 😦)

like i moved out 2022 and its been amazing for both my mental health and growth as a person since being away from my family gave me the space to figure out what i want to do and how to. idk. live ? got medicated, developed better coping mechanisms, made great friends, etc. i mean im living with my friends rn and theyre like family and i just got licensed to be an lvt and its all great ! but the thing is that my bio family need me and thts probably the root of the issue

cus my family is dirt poor, like living on gov aid, and none of them can work so growing up i was always told how i needed to be successful to take care of them even though i had plenty of rich relatives and i always wondered why none of them bothered to help and decided to put all that responsibility on a kid ?? and i was pretty much raised into being my family's eventual caretaker. from 13-17 i used to be so angry/depressed/resentful about it and hated my family bc it felt like they robbed me of my agency but now, i cant blame them. im not saying they should have done tht to a kid but i understand why. theres a bunch of complicated legal things and other stuff i dont want to get into and my family are either old, disabled, or both and god knows my relatives arent going to help so its up to me yknow ? its why im moving back in with them by 2025 to take care of them. and i love my family, i really do even if i dont tell them bc we dont talk like that and we all know it anyways. my mom is such a strong person despite how everyone looks down on her and i want her to have nice things, i want my family to live in a house that is clean and not falling apart, i want my mom to not have to ever worry about working and to have time for herself bc shes been stuck caring for kids for half her life. i love my family, i want to take care of them, and im angry i never got a choice. family is complicated and i wish it was as easy as just going "i dont want this responsibility" but i know its not

i keep telling myself that this is just how things are supposed to be and im going to spend the rest of my life taking care of them and i thought i accepted it but theres still some small part of me thats reluctant. i know im never going to have a partner or romance bc my family is and always will be my first priority and ig thats sad but i really dont mind. and im not just saying that, like genuinely im fine being single, i dont need companionship and have never felt that loneliness. im just fine with my friends and i dont need anything more, it just kinda sucks i dont get that choice. the whole thing is kinda sad and ive been told as much but these are the cards life dealt me and better me than someone else i guess

truth is im kind of scared, it feels like my life has already peaked and being away from my family has been so freeing but its selfish and damn if i dont want to be selfish for just a little longer. but its hard when i can see my mom getting older and the house getting worse and im angry that this isnt as easy as it should be. this country is awful and the systems in place are cruel and makes life as difficult as possible for people of color, the poor, and disabled. i know i'll get over it and i'll be moving back in and helping them like i promised but i'm only 22. my relatives are acting like i'm wasting my life every second im not helping my family or working towards making 6 figures or whatever and i won't lie it's put doubts in my mind. but im only 22!!!! i dont know. maybe im being dramatic because honestly it could be worse and we're even lucky to have a roof over our heads and to even have a steady source of income no matter how little it is. ive never told anyone the last bit abt being scared and all that, i think its easier to type it than say it, and it also helps i dont have a face to yall and i dont have to look you in the eye. i dont know if ive ever shared this much or anything like this on here either lol. i dont know

tldr; do it scared i guess

[powderseas]

side order is here!!! its real!!! yippee

what do you think of it so far?

ok so im just gonna spit out all my side order thoughts so far

SPOILERS FOR SIDE ORDER AHEAD!!!!!!

EDIT: I ACTUALLY FINISHED THE GAME WOOO (just one run tho lol) im gonna write my thoughts under the previous stuff

OK SO. i think im a little..? dissapointed..? abt sider order?? like im kinda conflicted abt the lore, also i suck BALLS at the game

the thing is i have done 5 runs so far AND COULDNT GET A SINGLE WIN. the most i can do is up to floor 20.... im literally so bad at this game I ONCE DIED 2 TIMES IN AN EASY LEVEL. im newgen guys.

maybe im not fit for rougelike games but like... idk. i feel like me and the fandom as a whole expected so much more from side order. i feel like if the game is gonna make you replay the same stuff over and over again it should atleast have a SOUL CRUSHING LITERARY MASTERPIECE TYPE OF LORE like OE and Alterna

AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW DIRTY THEY DID FOUR???? literally called them an irrelavent loser and then sweeped them aside... THEY DONT EVEN HAVE A PALETTE ICON???? theyre not even a secret boss smh.... agent 4 had so much potential I WILL NEVER FORGIVE NINTENDO FOR THIS. and like sure the parallel canon level kind of includes four but that thing is literally an npc??? like imagine what they couldve done with the story if they had included four in it:

when four is left out from the squidbeak splatoon they try to prove themselves by siding with marina with her project. it makes perfect sense. marina and four are both scared of being seperated by their loved ones. but four gets consumed by their anger and jealousy and goes full order mode LIKE DO YOU GUYS SEE MY VISION!!!! i will be forever mad that we didnt get this.

also why is murch out of all the chracters have a pallete??? why didnt they put in captain 3 or something????? sheldon i kinda understand since hes also kinda a part of the squidbeak splatoon BUT MURCH??? get the fuck out!!!

negative stuff aside tho. i love pearl and marina so much. THIS IS THE PEARLINA GAME GUYS!!!!! pearl literally mentions that marina and her sleep in the SAME BED???? marina is so autistic. my little autism creature. SHE MAKES DINO ARMS IN THE ENDING SCENE AUGHHHHHGHHH MY HEARTTT i love marina so much AND PEARL. SUCH A SILLY GOOBER. acht is so precious too... BUT I CNAT BELIEVE THAT THEY MADE THEM WHITE*??? ACHT IS NOT WHITE NINTENDO. anyways i love eight and her little found family full of lesbians. they are all lesbians your honor. we are raising lesbians in this house.

so yeah. i hope i can finish the run atleast ONCE. but like. idk i havent finished the game but side order jsut makes me feel. sad... and lonely...?? unlike octo expension where you could see more and more people using the metros and the chatrooms between marina and pearl are just AUUGGHHH OE IS A GAME. ABOUT CONNECTIONS OK. it makes me feel warm and happy and even though eight became traumatized i like to think that she healed and in the process met so many important people in her life.

in side order i dont see anything in eight*??? is she traumatized??? is she vibing??? is she happy to help??? I LITERALLY CANT TELL. side order makes me feel so cold and empty like do you guys understand what i mean. and its probably becasue it doesnt even take place in the real world. and the thing is. i understand that side order is supposed to be everything that OE couldnt be. i understand that. both games have their own quirks BUT. i just cant seem to make myself love it unlike any other story mode in splatoon...... im really trying to be not biased here but yeah. these are my opinions for side order

AFTER GAME THOUGHTS

HELLO. so yes i somehow managed to win the game. and honestly. the final boss was pretty fun and everyone was so cute at the end omg... but i still think that side order is a bit underdevloped.... i dont even know if ill try to %100 is cuz playing it makes me SO STRESSFUL im glad i get to finish a run BUT i will definetly not be touching side order atleast for a while.... but despite i had plenty of stuff i didnt like in side order the ending managed to make me forget all that haha

[yb-cringe]

ok whats febatista's whole deal from froggsmp. please tell me abt ur guy

oh good you will regret this

- febatista appears on froggsmp summoned by the priest there. he calls himself fé (fe batista. febatista. get it lol?)

- hes thrown into the middle of this HUGE drama bc he was brought in to deal with this new person named abbadon (who fe knows from his time in heaven- hes an angel btw did i mention that. fe and abbadon are both angels)

- well tldr abbadon is a character named ‘scott’ who was a demon on the server but, for some reason, reverted back to who he was BEFORE he fell from heaven

- fe and scott actually were besties and had the kind of codependent homoerotic relationship you’d expect from two angels one of which fell from grace to become a demon

- also fe used to ignore god and the angels to go see scott in hell thats not useful info but it matters so much to me that you know that

- scott, now abbadon, has NO memory of fe or the son he’s left behind, aries (fehdubs, the person who did voice acting for richarlyson’s signs in like early qsmp if you remember those)

- aries and fe grow close since theyre both dealing with the trauma of seeing someone they know not remember them and revert back to his old self that fe KNOWS he hates

- aries accidentally calls fe ‘pai’ a lot during this time and fe always responds back with ‘filhou’ and its adorable i love it i love them so muchcfh

- fe and abbadon are verrryyy. stilted. they talk about the weirdness of emotions a lot and how weird humans are and fe and him find scotts old diaries TALKING about fe and falling from heaven

- cue like the saddest shit ever scott talks about how fe was perfect and he could never live up to him but he still LOVED him so much and he hated that he loved him. and how betrayed he felt when fe didnt stand beside him when he fell

- it goes into awful detail about feeling so incredibly distant from fe because they never talk about how they feel and keep dancing around the subject and how love is a HUMAN concept and for angels it exists as a devotional act alone and fe dIDNT PROTECT HIM AND IT FUCKING GGHRR FES JUST CRYING THR WHOLE DAMN TIME HES READING THESE BOOKS TO THE MAN WHO WROTE THEM WHO DOESNT FEMEMBER HIM GGHHRR

- anyway. eventually his memories come back right and fe and aries and scott chat and they end up in front of god and fe does the famous “lord forgive me but im choosing him this time” which fucking breaks my heart dude

- scott was like under some influence and it was shit and daddy issues but christian yknow and then he remembers everything! and the family is reunited!!!!! fe and aries and scott are together!

- theres a lot of Other plot points going on but they dont focus on fe rly but theres a clown guy and theyre being a cute family and then righttt before arkanis, fe leaves notes for scott and aries saying that he needs to go (and fe calls scott his everything. which ow. and then he calls himself aries’ guardian angel- DOUBLE OUCH)

- and then somehow when he gets to arkanis he’s forgotten that hes an angel hes forgotten aries AND hes forgotten scott.

- and now apparently! someone saying theyre his SON !! came to arkanis a week before fe did. which is suspicious and Maybe is aries ? who knows

- and then scott just read fes note and then kind of burned down his house and said hes not going to do this again which could mean anything.

TL;DR—

fe is an angel from heaven who had a husband/boyfriend/something with a demon named scott that he knew as an angel and he had a son named aries and hes forgotten them both and its killing me

[thegradus2]

Like deruth has to make the first step and i want the angst of them finding out it was an act before cale attempts to let the act go can you tell more?

YES DEFINITELY

So a lot of fics have cale making the first step to make amends with his family which honestly? Realistic. I have never in real life experienced a parent actually owning up to their mistakes and taking the first step to apologize and be better its always the (often teen or adult at that point) child who makes that first step in my experience

And i think in canon it would probably be og cale trying to make amends as well, so i honestly read fics like this happily anyway

But in an ideal world parents take responsibility for their actions and try to be better for their kids! While deruth obviously loves and cares for cale he shows it in a very roundabout way (like making his servants report on what cale has been up to). I imagine this is more normal in a noble household instead of a normal household. However theyve very obviously just been waiting for cale to get better on his own instead of actually doing anything, while not knowing that it would never stop bc its largely an act and cale acts like that on purpose to help his siblings and stepmom

Im rambling at this point so im just gonna outline what in my eyes would be the perfect progression for cale and deruths relationship (and by extension the rest of the henituse family):

- somethinh happens that makes deruth try to sort of talk to cale (fuck if i know what, maybe its a situation where cale regressed and got ancient powers and has been throwing up blood like krs!cale, maybe cale went to an event where he caught the attention of someone dangerous like adin)

- cale is like “what the fuck my father is actually talking to me. What does this mean”

- somehow after a while of deruth trying to be more of a parent, lily and basen taking this as a chance to try and get closer with cale, and cale just being confused and feeling like a fish out of water, they find out about him faking the trash behavior

- idk how, maybe he just hinted at some things being the way they are bc of reasons to lily or whatever not thinking much would come from it??

- but yea they find out and theyre *not* happy bc cale has been doing this self sacrificial self destructive act on his own for ten years now and they want him to actually be happy

- cale at hearing that goes shocked pikachu face

- “oh i care abt my family but i didnt expect them to care about me back” 💀

- he does NOT wanna let the trash act go bc he thinks if he stops the vassals will just be pieces of shit again and it also a deterrent against gossip abt his family in general (hes also a depressed little fuck who thinks he doesnt fit in with the family, who thinks he deserves the scorn a little and who likes some of the benefits the act gave him (he also doesnt rlly know who else to be hashtag identity crisis))

- family is determined tho bc their boy just spent 10 years being self destructive like this while hiding that he really loved them ALL THIS TIME and they wanna show him they wanna spend time with him and that they love him back

- shit can still get a little tense sometimes, just bc of the baggage between deruth and cale and also just bc recovery isnt lineair and in really bad situations like for example the vassals making a really shit move cale would def put himself in the line of fire in a heartbeat and do smth trashy again

- i would love to see eric wheelsmans face when he finds out cale was faking it this whole time, man has been trying to stage interventions and shit while cale was doing it on purpose

[intertexts]

since I can't talk about my favorite bits that made me go AUGH bc of things you dont know about yet. give me ur favorite bit. what was ur favorite bit in that fic. gimme the authors notes behind the scenes ramble

AUAUAUAUA.... u r so nice 2 meee godddd what the hell. exploding u💥💥💥!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY. OK. OK. AUTHORS NOTES.

things i included that i am VERY IFFY ON but nevertheless went for:

>i think there's like 70/30 odds that they (dakota) try to do the putting ashe's headphones with thank you scientist or smth blaring on him to try & bring him back thing. can't tell you if it'll work or not but it has to come up. nevertheless i think if u were stuck in yr head for a year with the fucking trickster u would appreciate some quiet!!!!!! & its just. idk man. that's what i'd spiral over. what if one day u wake up n u don't even like all the stuff u love anymore. etc.

>I'M ALSO TAKING. A REALLY FUCKING LONG SHOT by explicitly referring to wiwi as alive? honestly? like it's a 50/50, i think that all the stuff w/ the heart etc should continue to have thematic resonance, but also i don't know how that will work with the wisps when they..... return? (<- using this word in the loosest possible way i just don't know how else to say it. when theyre onscreen again??) i'm sure the wisp thing gets some resolution i have no doubt. and i don't know if "whisperer william" and "alive body traits" are mutually exclusive. idk. idk. we'll see!!

>i'm assuming tide will make another appearance b4 the season ends. idgaf if he shows in deadwood or not i fucking HOPE NOT but i just thought man. he Would come to bring them all back n take care of them. i think he and mark should get to have a really long slightly more. real? conversation on how much parenting fucking sucks and is stressful and terrifying and they feel bad at it.

MY FAVORITE BIT. goddd. iiii. ok. i have a lot of Thoughts on wingfics & idk. i guess i always think they're a bit too easy. u have wings that u Never Ever Let Anyone Touch Except Family And Lovers and u Let Someone Preen Them and what-- there isn't even any terrifying indecipherable swirl of emotions about it?? it isn't even scary?? (& also the whole Why Is It Good When People Touch Ur Wings. "because it is" okay??? and why then?? i also am guilty of this but at least theres like. two sentences about it.) & when there's hybrid shit & its like ok suddenly u woke up with Searing Pain in ur back and things writhing around in there breaking through yr skin and bone to get out and-- thats IT??? there isn't even gonna be any lasting trauma about it? you're not even gonna feel weird about being permanently Different now? it isn't even inconvenient and painful?? so ig that's like-- the core of this one, lmao. obviously i have. Thoughts and Feelings on the whole prime nonconsensually and irrevocably changing ur body defenders thing. like. of course. thesis statement of my blog. & i have thoughts about. being a vessel & not getting any say in it, ig. idk. i hate when people take my stuff without asking!! the idea of someone taking my ME without asking is like, viscerally terrifying 2 me. not unpacking that moving on etc.... my favorite bit is ig ashe having conflicting and messy emotions on liking the way it feels. freaking out and trying 2 stonewall it out & eventually just. letting himself have the good thing. oversharing 9pm time but idk... ashe is a little Like Me in that he was a fucking shut in & never had friends until he was a teenager and doesn't really. know much about it? didn't have much experience in it? so he's really satisfying to write not in a projection-y way but an ah! i KNOW what this is like i can write this correctly!! very scary!!!! very 24/7 butterflies in ur stomach!! OH. I LIED. ACTUALLY. my favorite bit is ashe unconsciously using words & such abt capacitors and voltage and electricity etc. bc of growing up with an electrician dad :] very very small and minor but i have a lot of fucking emotions abt it actually!!! anyway. yeag <333

other behind the scenes thing: in my head wiwi is freaking the FUCK out the entire time he is going shit SHIT SHIT i'm so fucking bad at this shittttttttttttt is this what it's like for dakota to deal with me. is this what i'm like. shit. what do vynce and dakota do. hes like. cartoon running putting down the tracks just in front of the train this entire time <33 this is important to me.

[magebutts]

my sincere apologies to everyone who's sick of seeing me talk about all my griefs with veilguard, but i do have more lol

did anyone else feel an extreme lack of connection between rook and the rest of the party? is that just me? like it feels like they spent a lot of time focusing on the interpersonal relationships between the companions and their individual stories, and then rook is just... there. and like i get it, the charcters are important and always have been. but it feels like rook really gets sidelined. (forewarning i also got sidetracked and talk abt a lot of loose story ends and stuff)

and maybe i just missed out on it because i played a shadow dragon who didnt save minrathous, but even their background doesnt feel super important. like i get rook is a hero by happenstance but like.... idk.

yeah idk for an rpg, especially a bioware rpg, i expect more. like da2 might have been super restricted bc there was no origin choice, but at least you were connected to the story. the warden was integral to the story. the inquisitor had the mark and was integral to the story.

and rook was just like... a silly goofy lil guy who cracks jokes no matter which dialogue option you choose and as much as i enjoy the heroes who are like "someone has to do the job so i guess it might as well be me if no one else is gonna do it", it felt incredibly mishandled.

and again, idk, maybe i missed out on a lot bc i did play a shadow dragon who saved treviso and romanced the slowburn guy who had virtually no romancr content which is a whole problem on its own, but... whatever lmao 🙃

oh and as i just saw a post about it on twitter, its WILD that they brought back morrigan AND ALSO ISABELA ???? and you get NO say in their history, when it is very easy to have both of them permanently leave ur party in their respective games. like im sorry, isabela learned the meaning of found family in kirkwall? every game i have ever played, i have never succeeded in getting her to stay even when i was trying to. they couldnt even be bothered to say hawkes name once in veilguard but isabela is gonna wistfully namelessly reference them??? and the fact that a character who could have been trapped in the fade and is never mentioned once in a game that is all about people being trapped in the fade

and do NOT get me started on morrigan and flemeth. we are NOT going to pretend flemeth wasnt a horrible woman who had daughters for the sole sake of creating a posessable vessel. or the fact that in a lot of worldstates, morrigan has a son who we were previously told contained the soul of an old god of tevinter... only to find out that that isnt true, so that boy was also possessed by a fragment of the spirit of an elven god, which flemeth and then solas potentially also stole if kieran existed.

and also never acknowledge the fact that there are still in fact 5 blighted elven gods trapped in the fade, granted they would hypothetically be mortal with their dragons dead but like... theyre still out there.

and dont get me started on the state of the south, i will literally never be able to care about anything else knowing what happened there. and like, idk what bioware expected. we spent three whole games in ferelden + the free marches. and i will argue, that as interesting as the rest of the world is, ferelden + the free marches are the home of dragon age. and that very well might just be me, but i feel like having games set anywhere else created a rift very similar to the rift between andromeda and the main mass effect series

ESPECIALLY with the "secret ending" cutscene (spoilers for that now if you havent seen it)

hinting at the series going even bigger + beyond the fade, its giving pathfinder/dnd outer realms, and im sorry, but if dragon age leaves the medieval fantasy theme to go for eldritch/alien beings, im gone. my interest in the series is dead. implying that everything that has happened has been the design of some greater beings and all of your heroes and their actions were actually someone else's doing all along... its an insult to player agency, and you can NOT continue doing that as much as EA has done in an rpg series. the dissolution of the keep and previous player choices and characters appearing in zero capacity was already a lot, but i could accept it if the scope of the story was beyond our choices. but with solas's dagger being the one hawke found in the deep roads, with darkspawn ravaging ferelden again and there being no mention of alistair or the grey warden who could very much still be alive and in the order, let alone be ruling the fucking kingdom, its fucking insane actually. its insane that the only choice that apparently has any meaning was how you inquisitor felt about solas, and beyond that, if you romanced him. even disbanding the inquisition doesnt seem important anymore, bc there is zero mention of solas and his agents that he had in trespasser.

like yes, sorry, i am mad actualy that no one else and nothing else mattered. the inquisitor and dorian stood side by side and you dont even get to determine their relationship if they arent together. like the man who invented telephones and face time for his best friend can only say "bet u cant wait to go home and see a certain somebody, WINK", not even considering the fact they might not have been friends.

how funny and easy it would have been for varric (ignoring the fact that hes a ghost) to make one singular joke about hawke dating an abomination and rook doing the same. for isabela to mention fenris or merrill, or a romanced hawke. for merrill to never be mentioned again despite being so dedicated to researching and restoring her eluvian. for fenris to never be mentioned despite his ties to seheron and tevinter. for the warden to never be mentioned despite ending one blight just to have two more ravage their country in their lifetime. for the crows to be a main faction and zevran gets two vague unnamed mentions in companion ambiant dialogue. for starkhaven and fucking sebastian vael, a character many people didnt see bc he was a dlc add-on, let alone a highly disliked character who a lot of people with his dlc never even recruited. no mention of hawke or their warden sibling, who were said to have disappeared after venturing to weisshaupt when all the wardens were recalled and the keep went silent. and i am going to harp on this, the cure for the fucking blight. because it is possible, and now with veilguard, we have seen it TWICE in canon.

it really just drives home that actually, the scope hadnt gone past the former heroes, they just cared more about telling their own story than collaborating with the players who make the games possible.

anyways bioware im in your fucking walls, ea i know where you fucking live and i do actually expect better from a triple a studio who was fucking stupid enough to acquire a studio who was revolutionary and famous for their storytelling only to not fucking support that

[st4rshipr4nger]

OML A TUA SHIFTER??? TELL ME EVERYTHING ABT YOUR DR RN 👹 (if thats ok w u 🥰)

EEEEEE HIIIIII YES YES YES I MOST DEFINITELY WILL

okay so im the handlers daughter (she adopts me she is NOT my birth mother) and then she adopts lila but were the same age so anyway she like raises us and stuff cause shes mother and so she trains us and shit like she does in the show with lila and also me and lila kind of have the same powers ish because okay idk if youre familiar with xmen but i like have rogues powers so like power absorption and taking peoples energy and stuff so like if i touch someone skin to skin ill take their powers if they have any and their energy and i kind of get their memories too, and so she makes me wear these gloves because one time i accidentally touched her when i was a baby and took some of her energy and she almost passed out or something, anyways being the handlers daughter obviously comes with trauma so when im like ten im like mom i dont like this i dont wanna do this anymore and shes like well thats too damn bad and i tell lila im running away but we make a plan to like meet up in the future so i run and shit one night and i find the umbrella academy a few days after and Pogo answers the door and i tell him about my powers because ive seen the hargreeves on television and on billboards and im like can i just like stay here for a little while and hes like yes ofcourse but i need to talk to sir reginald and hes like wow youre weird and then i kind of become like his labrat because he wants to see exactly how my powers work but hes also like youre fucking dangerous, so he gets this serum that makes my powers go away for a limited amount of time and i have to get injected with it every morning but i meet the hargreeves and we all get along pretty quickly and they like accept me into the family and oh my god GRACE :(((( i love her so much me and ben obviously have like a LITTLE thing but none of us is gonna admit it until like later but yeah reg doesnt trust me going on missions at first but he lets me go on one which kind of ends bad so he doesnt let me go on anymore and i have to stay on the sidelines with viktor ALSO me klaus ben diego and vik are super close i get closer with everyone else too but like specifically them so like yeah!! me and ben kiss literally like three days before he yk and then i want to kms !!! but its fine he watches me as a ghost for the next 18 years!!!! but yeah its obviously hard for all of us to take and stuff

ANYWAYS!!!

so when were all older we obviously go our seperate ways but i kind of stay in touch with diego klaus and viktor (allison never answers her damn phone and luthers on the moon) i read viktors book and i thought it was fine like i dont have an issue with it he was speaking facts that nobody else in the house wanted to admit and we were pretty much treated the same also after bens death i kind of like started doing drugs with klaus again because the serums were also just drugs like be fucking fr anyways klaus also never tells me that ben is looking over us and he feels bad about it but like klaus and i are really similar [in my dr everyones like oh hes just klaus but in another body] so im not like yk i cant like stay mad but trust in my dr i will be sorry buddy anyways i still talk to diego cause me and him are also bestfriends and i try to send messages up to the moon sometimes to luther cause he and diego were literally like i actually felt like family around them theyre like my brothers but obviously wtv

thats like kind of a backstory thing i left some things out but i love oversharing about some of the things in my drs its fun

let me know if you wanna hear more cause like eeeeeeeee

also im scripting that like i dont know klaus has ben on his shoulder and that stuff cause i like to make myself suffer a little bit